mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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