We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
