It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
