The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
