do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
