I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
