This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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