I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
