everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
