I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
