Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
