she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
