well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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