it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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