That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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