i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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