u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Duck Duck Cougar?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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