You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
