Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
