Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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