Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
