Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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