I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
