So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
