That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
