If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It's Friday. Sex?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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