dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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