11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
