I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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