You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
