haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
