Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I am puke
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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