I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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