i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
