Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
