What a fucking waste of an outfit
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
It's Friday. Sex?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
