I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You made out with two different species that night
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Congratulations! We have a period
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
