I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
