Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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