dude i'm inner monologue high
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
