get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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