I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The uberlube is also flammable
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
