He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
