I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
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I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
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The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well I just put wine in my tea
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
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