Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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