There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
