Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
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