I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
