my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
