I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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