oh god the rape fog is back!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
