Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
PANTIES FOUND
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
