is wine microwaveable?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
