Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
