I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
