no one should ever give us hovercrafts
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
