Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize