Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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