i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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