I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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