I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize