I think I won the penis lottery.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
