is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
