you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
