His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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