When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
