Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
