I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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