So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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