dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
