You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
