Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
