the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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