I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
