Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
